|"One Snail Over All"|
| Season 2, episode 14|
| Written &|
"Vanilla Ice Cream"
"A Flash Beorn Our Eyes"
One Snail Over All is fourteenth episode in the second season of Fantendo Now. It is the thirtieth episode overall.
It's election season and this year is one of the tightest races in US History. Both candidates realize whoever Unten and the others choose could impact the winner of this election and attempt to get them their on their side.
ONE SNAIL OVER ALL
Written by Exotoro
8:45 PM on a Saturday.
Tropical Iceburg Cafe
Unten, Rachel, Strafe, Sakeena, PalmMan, DragonMan, X-Ray, and Leah are all eating at a table, laughing and talking as they eat.
- Leah: I'm not suggesting that we set her on fire, I'm just saying it's an option.
- X-Ray: Hon…
- Unten: That's horrible, Leah.
- Leah: Alright, tell me what your big idea is. I'm sure we would all be glad to hear about it.
- Rachel: Guys can we not talk about setting people on fire? The debates are tonight and I'm trying to hear the tv… or at least read the subtitles.
- Leah: Oh god, you actually care about the debates? Come on, how are you even "split" between the two candidates?
- Rachel: I'm not split… I just like laughing at the inane nonsense this Snaily Joe guy is spitting out. Seriously, the dude hasn't talked about his stance on any of the issue, it's just all a long-winded way to say we should express our right to democracy and vote for a different candiate for once…
- Strafe: I mean, you guys have voted for Richard Independence since the country was founded. Maybe it is time for a change.
- Unten: Okay, can we stop talking about politics? I swear, like all the fun went out of the room when we did. Could we stop?
- Rachel: Besides, as if Snaily Joe could actually be president.
Title card: ONE SNAIL OVER ALL
Cut to a daytime scene at Unten's apartment, where he is sleeping when someone knocks on the door.
- Unten: Ugh… who's there?
Unten wraps a scarf around his neck and heads for the door.
- Unten: I told you already DragonMan, I don't have your coffee machine, I gave that to Rachel..
Unten opens the door to see a woman with a clipboard.
- Unten: Alright, what is this about?
Woman: Name's Monica Sodan, I prefer to be called Ms. Sodan. As you are likely aware, the race is rather tight and we could use some big name pulls to boost President Independence's name in the polls this year…
- Unten: Woah, hold on. What?
- Monica: This is the right house, right? There's so many Beorns these days, I sure can't keep track.
- Unten: Wait what?
Monica freezes, realizing she wasn't supposed to say that, laughing.
- Monica: It's a joke. Yes.
- Unten: Okay… uh, so wait, you want me to throw my support behind Independence?
- Monica: I mean yeah. We'll pay you for the endorsement and you can just be on your merry way and not worry about it.
- Unten: Ah jeez, I dunno. I'm not a real political person so… I probably shouldn't be saying anything like that without knowing that I mean it.
- Monica: Noted. Well, you like Independence, yes?
- Unten: Sure, his actions in the past are pretty good from my perspective.
- Monica: Well, isn't that enough?
- Unten: Sure, I guess. I dunno…
Monica clicks her pen in frustration.
- Monica: Alright, fine. I'll just go to someone else for now, but I'll be coming back tomorrow.
Unten closes the door and calls up Rachel.
Rachel picks up her phone, groggy and clearly not in the mood to be woken up.
- Unten: Hey.
- Rachel: Hey, do you know what time it is?
- Unten: It's 12.
- Rachel: Wait, seriously?
Rachel sits up, squinting and blinking rapidly, pulling back the curtains.
- Rachel: Ah, shit, I guess it is. Anyway, what's up?
- Unten: Did some lady show up at your door and ask you to vote for Independence?
- Rachel: Well, no… I'm guessing that it happened to you just now and that's why you're calling.
- Unten: ...yeah.
- Rachel: Eh, we're celebrities, of course they're looking for our opinion. Don't think too much about it.
- Unten: Well, what if my choice destroys America or the world? I don't wanna doom people again.
- Rachel: What's the most damage the administration can even do anyway in four years? Unten, it doesn't really matter… as long as you're choosing Independence. Which you are doing, right?
- Unten: I… don't know.
Rachel frowns as he hangs up. Bang Crimson wakes up on the other side of the bed, surprising Rachel.
- Rachel: Did you wait to do that when I finished the phone call or…?
Bang tilts her head to her right shoulder.
- Bang: I've actually been up since like 6, I just wanted to be here when you woke up so you would go "Oh man… what happened last night?"
- Rachel: I know what happened last night, scoot out.
Bang gets dressed and leaves as Rachel sits on the bed to contemplate.
PalmMan and Sakeena are spitting on a bridge when Monica walks up to the two.
- PalmMan: It's not what it looks like. We were not aiming for cars.
Sakeena nervously nods.
- Monica: It's a free country, I don't really care.
- Sakeena: Who are you?
- Monica: Name's Monica Sodan, I prefer to go by Ms. Sodan. I suppose you two have a passing interest in politics?
- PalmMan: What makes you think that?
- Monica: I dunno. You guys don't have any voting records so…
- Sakeena: Look, I just recently became 19, so I have a excuse.
- PalmMan: I'm a illegal immigrant.
- Monica: Noted. Anyway, who are you voting for?
- PalmMan: Witchly McGee. Now that woman has ideas.
- Sakeena: Independence… what?
- PalmMan: Big media doesn't want you to know about the secret third presidential nominee, huh.
- Monica: Oh don't waste your vote on a third party candidate. It's a two party system.
- PalmMan: Ugh, fine. I'll just write in a vote for that anime girl that shoves sushi up her-
- Monica: Just stop talking! God! Okay!
Monica breathes in and out.
- Monica: I'm good. Okay, so we have Sakeena on board… such a popular character.
- Sakeena: Just curious, but what if I wasn't?
- Monica: Well, obviously we'd briiiii-incentivize you to do so.
- Sakeena: Well, I dunno now…
- Monica: Maybe I should keep my damn mouth shut.
Monica clicks her pen a bit before breathing in and out.
- Monica: What do you want?
- Sakeena: Oh… hm, I guess a better laptop to write stuff on?
- Monica: Done. Bang. Can I talk you into something, PalmMan?
- PalmMan: I always did want a high quality pair of lawnchairs but could never convince myself to spend the money…
- Monica: Done, bang. Whatever, we're done as long as you two tweet or whatever it is you millenials do.
Monica grabs a rung of a ladder and is lifted into a United States helicopter, flying away. PalmMan turns around to spit on cars again.
Unten meets up with Strafe, who is sitting in a lawnchair of high quality with PalmMan. Sakeena is sitting on a barstool.
- Unten: Oh god, what are you two doing?
Strafe pulls down his glasses.
- Unten: It's like, the middle of October. Come on. Also, when the hell did you get high quality lawnchairs?
- Strafe: These are PalmMan. He insisted I warm it up for DragonMan while he did errands.
- Unten: Why is your shirt off?
- Strafe: He told me it was essential to the experience and I agree.
- Unten: Can anyone just tell me what's going on?
- Sakeena: We got visited by a woman who told us to vote for Independence, and we leveraged our vote for all this cool stuff.
- Strafe: Yeah, check out these shades. They cost like a million dollars to make.
- Unten: We could do that?
Leah lurches into frame.
- Leah: You guys could, apparently. I dunno why this woman hasn't visited me or X-Ray yet. You know who has been visiting us? The Snaily Joe campaign staff.
- Unten: Huh.
- Leah: I said no because it was a dude at the door and they tried really hard with the sex appeal stuff.
- Unten: Ohh…
- Leah: Yeah.
Camera snaps to X-Ray huddled in the corner.
- X-Ray: It was terrible...
- Unten: Yeesh. Well.
- Leah: Anyway, I think you and me are the only two that haven't pledged to anyone. The ones that matter anyway.
- Leah: So, obviously, the longer we hold out, the more desperate their campaign teams are gonna be.
Leah rubs her hands together.
- Unten: I'm genuinely indecisive.
- Leah: Heh, heh sure. Come on, we all want that cold hard cash.
- PalmMan: God, I probably could have held out for more, huh?
- Leah: Nah, your market value was more likely to decrease.
- PalmMan: What does that mean?
Unten folds his arms.
- Leah: Ahhh shit, Independence is inviting us over for a White House dinner.
- Unten: Could be fun…
Leah sticks out her tongue.
- Leah: No it's not. Come on X-Ray, let's get all "dressed" up.
Leah grabs X-Ray and leaves as Unten shrugs and heads back to his apartment.
Unten and Leah holding X-Ray's hand get off the plane as both Snaily Joe and President Independence hold out their hands.
- Independence: Hey, if it isn't the guests of honor.
Unten shakes hands with the two candidates as Leah just walks past them, X-Ray trying to get out of her grip. Unten sighs.
- Unten: I hope this bites her in the ass…
- Leah: (in the distance) Only person is allowed to do that and I'm presently holding hands with them!
- Unten: Mmhm... alright... we get it...