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Mario Kart 69 is the 69th installment in the Mario Kart Series. Like Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash, it is an incredibly dull & bare-bones experience.

Gameplay

Mario Kart 69 removes stunts, gliding, underwater racing, & antigravity. In addition to this you can no longer select your own kart & wheels, in order to make for a more simple racing experience that anyone can pick up & play. The game is compatible with the Pokeball Plus & The DK Bongos, so as you'd expect the controls are very fluent. 

VS. Mode

This game lacks a Grand Prix mode, so you're just stuck playing VS. Mode. You cannot adjust the items & the CPU's difficulty, nor pick which courses you want to play. Instead, it just selects four randomly for you. 

Battle Mode

Battle Mode is exactly how it is in Mario Kart 8, except there are no items on the tracks, so you're just driving around doing nothing for 5 minutes. 

Characters

There are 32 characters in this game, all of them are there from the beginning because nobody likes a challenge in a game.
Jokeroster

The character roster.

Nitro Tracks

Mushroom Cup

Mario Circuit 1



Suburban House

Waluigi’s Strip Club

Flower Cup

Mario Circuit 2

Subarban House 2



Lakitu Sex Dungeon 

Star Cup

Mario Circuit 3



Mario Circuit 4

Subarban House 3

Special Needs Cup

Subarban House 4

Mario Circuit 5: This course has absolutely nothing, its literally just a straight road, there are no item boxes either, even though in this game all you can get from item boxes is Mushrooms (to be more fair). 1 Lap is a half an hour long. 

Retro Tracks

Shell Cup

N64 Luigi Raceway

N64 Moo Moo Farm

N64 Koopa Troopa Beach

N64 Kalimari Desert

Banana Cup

N64 Toad's Turnpike

N64 Frappe Snowland

N64 Choco Mountain

N64 Mario Raceway

Leaf Cup

DS Yoshi Falls

N64 Sherbet Land

N64 Royal Raceway

N64 Bowser's Castle

Lightning Cup

N64 DK's Jungle Parkway

N64 Yoshi Valley

N64 Banshee Boardwalk

N64 Rainbow Road

Reception

This game recieved critical acclaim due to how innovative it was towards the Mario Kart Series. Critics also praised the incredibly fluent DK Bongos, it's phenomanal Battle Mode, and the diverse & well thought out character roster.  

Reviews

10/10 "Perfectly balanced as all things should be." - Thanos

7.8/10 "Too Much Water" - IGN 

10/10 "Your so gifted and talented" - My Mom 

Trivia

  • The game is called Mario Kart 69 because it's the 69th installment in the Mario Kart series.
  • Yoshi’s Falls is the only Retro Track that is not from the N64 installment.
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