Kirby With A Gun is a Super Nintendo game by ElectricMayhem. It is an RPG focusing on Kirby and his partner Cowboy Hat Kirby, who use guns to fight an evil vulture, an undead Meta Knight, and King Dedede.
Chapter One: Into the Desert
We open on Kirby, bloody and horribly injured, crawling through a desert. Vultures fly through the sky above. As he crawls, he looks back on the night before.
Kirby and his partner Cowboy Hat Kirby arrive at King Dedede's palace. Cowboy Hat Kirby aims his gun at Dedede, but Kirby smacks him, asking what's gotten into him. Suddenly, they are attacked by Waddle Dees with machine guns, who shoot at them. They dodge the bullets, but Kirby is shot in the foot.
Cowboy Hat Kirby gets his gun, and shoots the Waddle Dees. Cowboy Hat Kirby and Kirby rush into the throne room, and see King Dedede, who tells him they are too late. Dedede pulls out a button, and presses it, opening a trap door beneath them, causing them to fall into a shark tank. After killing the sharks with his bare hands, Cowboy Hat Kirby saves Kirby from drowning and the two escape through the vents.
The two find their way into a laboratory, where they see Waddle Dees working on bringing back to life Meta Knight, who was shot dead by Cowboy Hat Kirby during their last encounter. The project goes wrong, and Meta Knight becomes a zombie. Zombie Meta Knight springs to life, and sees the two in the vent. Zombie Meta Knight flies into the vent, and tries to stab Cowboy Hat Kirby, only for Kirby to leap in the way and get stabbed inside. Kirby gets up, and swallows Zombie Meta Knight whole.
The scientist Waddle Dees attack, forcing Cowboy Hat Kirby and Kirby to run for the escape pod. They blast off into the sky, only to be shot down by a Waddle Doo's eye laser. They crash land in a desert, and a giant vulture swoops down to pick up and carry away Cowboy Hat Kirby. Kirby, slowly bleeding out, crawls into the desert.
Chapter Two: The Vulture's Tree
That morning, Kirby finds a small desert village, and upon entering discovers it's full of Kirbies like him. Kirby is taken in by Old Man Kirby, an elderly Kirby. He tells Kirby that the village is in danger because the legendary "Giant Sex-Havin' Vulture" and his minions have set up a humongous nest at the only tree in the entire desert.
Kirby heads out into the desert to defeat the sex-havin' vultures, but is ambushed by Bandit Kirbies who try to rob him. They look inside his mouth and find the unconscious Zombie Meta Knight, and so they take him. They wake up Zombie Meta Knight, who kills them all and then flies away. Kirby recovers from the attack, and makes his way back to the village, telling Old Man Kirby that he needs a weapon in case more Bandit Kirbies come. Old Man Kirby gives Kirby a pistol, despite Kirby not liking to use pistols.
Kirby finds the tree, and tells the vultures guarding it that he is armed. They attack anyway, and swallow him whole. Inside the vulture's stomach, Kirby pulls out the pistol and shoots his way out. He kills the other vulture, and climbs up into the giant nest, finding Cowboy Hat Kirby, who is still barely alive. After waking Cowboy Hat Kirby, the two take down all the vultures, and escape before the Giant Sex-Havin' Vulture comes. They travel through the desert to make their way back to Dream Land, but Kirby realizes he has to keep his promise, despite Cowboy Hat Kirby disagreeing.
They return to the tree, and see the Giant Sex-Havin' Vulture mourning for his dead brethren. He attacks the two Kirbies, but Cowboy Hat Kirby shoots his eye out. Hurt, the Giant Sex-Havin' Vulture flies away to recover. The two destroy the tree, and return to the village to tell Old Man Kirby that they saved the village. Old Man Kirby gives them an egg as a reward, and tells them to take care of it until it hatches.
Chapter Three: The Times, They Are A Changin'
Having defeated the Giant Sex-Havin' Vulture, Kirby and Cowboy Hat Kirby are left with quite the predicament. This egg contained a child, which in their situation was dangerous. It was under Dream Land law, according to Old Man Kirby, that premarital sex was forbidden, and was punishable by no food forever. This Egg, now under Kirby and Cowboy Hat Kirby's possession, could be mistaken as their own. As it were, hippos are Kirby's spirit animal, and wasn't going to stand for this. But what could he do? Old Man Kirby had a solution, and brought Cowboy Hat Kirby aside to discuss his proposition. Kirby waited and pondered his future en-devours.
Cowboy Hat Kirby was disgusted. He could not believe what he was hearing. Kirby looked over and asked what Old Man Kirby had told him. Cowboy Kirby told him that they had two options: Either break the Egg, which would result in the murder of an unborn fetus, which is also punishable by no food forever, or Kirby and Cowboy Hat Kirby must be wed and raise the child as their own. Kirby blushed. He wasn't against the idea of marrying Cowboy Hat Kirby. He loved Cowboy Hat Kirby more than he loved food. He wanted to confess his feelings to Cowboy Hat Kirby, but he knew Cowboy Hat Kirby was homophobic and would not feel the same way. It was out of the question, and it led to Cowboy Hat Kirby falling into a fit of rage that could be heard a mile away.
Suddenly, Police Hat Kirby busted down the door, wanting to know what the commotion was all about. Before they could say anything, Old Man Kirby blew their cover, revealing the egg, and telling Police Hat Kirby that they were not married. Police Hat Kirby could not believe what he was hearing. Kirby, the hero of Dream Land, and Cowboy Kirby could only have obtained this egg through one method, and that was premarital sex. As punishment for such a crime, Police Hat Kirby told Kirby and Cowboy Hat Kirby that they are never allowed to eat again. Having heard this, Kirby panicked. He could not imagine a life without eating. As a 1-Dimesional character, it was all he had to live for. It was all he wanted. It was all he needed. His mind was rushing a mile a second. Kirby darted for the backyard.
Kirby reached his shed and broke the lock and entered inside. Hidden in the shed was Kirby's secret stash of emergency rashens: no bake cookies and TV Dinners, Kirby's favorite foods. He began eating. Police Hat Kirby and Cowboy Hat Kirby caught up to him. He did not care. He ate it all. Cowboy Hat Kirby tried to get him to stop, but Kirby would not listen. Kirby's mind had slipped, all he could focus on was food. Police Hat Kirby called in for backup. Moments later, Kirby With A Gun showed up. After hearing about what had gone down, Kirby With A Gun knew what to do. He took his Gun..... and pointed it at Kirby. He looked over to Cowboy Hat Kirby and told him that if he did not marry Kirby within the next 5 seconds that he would shoot Kirby dead where he stood. He began counting down. 5. 4. 3. 2. Cowboy Hat rushed over and planted a kiss on Kirby.
But it was too late.
Kirby was dead.
Chapter Four: The Last Supper
Police Hat Kirby and Kirby With A Gun fled the scene. Old Man Kirby died as well, for while running over to catch the action, his hip gave out, and he had a heart attack, leaving Cowboy Hat Kirby alone with the deceased Kirby. He knew Kissing could restore the HP of his partner when he was alive, but dead? He kissed Kirby one more time.......Nothing. Kirby was truly gone. A tear rolled down Cowboy Hat Kirby's cheek. He loved Kirby more than he loved his Cowboy Hat. He wanted to confess his feelings to Kirby, but he knew Kirby was homophobic and would not feel the same way. And now that he was gone, he would never get the chance.
All he had left was the egg. The egg Old Man Kirby had given to them as a reward that caused this calamity to unfold. Cowboy Hat Kirby vowed to nurture the egg in memory of Kirby, raising it as their own. The egg hatched 4 days later. Cowboy Hat named the newborn Adam Sandler Kirby, as he bore a striking resemblance to the bastardization of Hollywood comedy. Cowboy Hat Kirby took Adam Sandler Kirby to the shed where Kirby lay dead. It was time for them to get rid of the body. It was time for Kirby's last meal. Only this time, Kirby was the meal. Adam Sandler Kirby ate Kirby. With the body taken care of, Cowboy Hat Kirby and Adam Sandler Kirby went off to finish the quest... that Kirby never started.